Walls of Protection Built after Losing My Mother
In the quiet of the night,
where shadows dance
to the rhythm of my heartbeat,
I find solace in the silence,
the heavy cloak of solitude
that wraps around me,
woven with threads of sorrow
and stitched with the memory
of her gentle laughter.
Metastatic breast cancer, they said,
a cruel twist of fate,
a thief that stole my sun,
leaving only the echoes
of her warmth,
an empty chair at the table
and a heart too heavy to bear.
They call me punk,
a rebel of the heart,
too negative,
an outsider in a world
of vibrant smiles
and untroubled souls.
But they do not know the battles
I’ve fought,
the demons that lurk
in the corners of my mind,
the walls I’ve built
to keep the pain at bay.
I am different from most Nia folks,
wrapped in the armor of my grief,
a fortress against the storms
that raged within,
brick by brick,
I built my defenses,
a barrier so tall
that no one can see through,
no light can break the shadows.
There was a time when I let in the laughter,
the warmth of friends,
the touch of hands that cared.
But that was before the darkness,
before the world shifted
on its axis,
before I learned
that love can crumble, too,
just like the fragile bones
of our hopes.
Here, behind these walls,
I am safe,
walled off from the hurt,
from the pitying glances,
the well-meaning words
that seem to echo hollow,
the ones who do not understand
the chasm that exists
between them and me.
I wrap my heart in shadows,
sacred and untouchable,
where whispers of the past
float like ghosts,
and memories of her embrace
keep the fondness alive,
yet separate from the world,
a paradox of living and longing,
this duality of existence.
Maybe one day,
the walls will tremble,
they’ll crack and split,
and I’ll see the beauty
that lies beyond the bricks,
maybe I’ll let the sun in again,
let laughter dance on my lips,
but for now,
my fortress stands tall,
and I remain content
in this sanctuary built of loss.
And so, when they call me punk,
when they say I’m too negative,
I smile softly,
for they do not know my journey,
the scars that shape my spirit,
the weight of love lost,
and the walls that protect
the tender heart inside,
a heart still learning
to beat in this world,
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